Grumble, grumble, grumble...low 2020 production despite plenty of free-time. Still two units of Gaul noble cavalry to complete the Warmaster Ancients army. Sunburn playtesting and gang painting plus scenery to do. Chaos, Dwarf and Greenskin Warmaster armies to complete. Confederate and Union divisions to complete in 6mm to add to my brigade level Fire and Fury armies before the U.S. embarks on Civil War 2.0. Don't take on anything else you idiot. You have 3 Oldhammer comic pages to run through photoshop for goodness sake...finish what you have Goddam it.
Well it's been a while since I posted on the OWAC and many, many hours over the first right to publish have passed. So just in case that introduction post never gets published here it is.
I spent many a long second deliberating over whether I would accept a tentative (probably slightly worried) invite to compete this year.
NEWS FROM HELL BEFORE BREAKFAST: Warmaster Interlude - Taking on the Old World Army Challenge
"Street will upset someone...Street will combine short vowels and harsh consonants into swear-words which aren't suitable for Oldhammer under-fourteens and make them cry...Street will paint a banner of a politician with bad hair in keeping with Oldhammer's tradition of political satire that will be reported by grown-up babies as hate-speech when he forgets to snowflake pixelate it..."
But hey, no-one can argue that any of that stuff won't be fun.
"Snowflakes Saar....Faarsands ov 'em..."
So what to do? When absolutely everything you have is Dwarfs apart from a small human militia contingent, there's not a whole load of scope. I'm guessing that I'll be doing some Dwarfs.
I'm a bit hamstrung by the fact that I thought it would be sensible to move over Christmas. While that may sound like something that only a total £u(&ing idiot would do (guilty as charged) - since in the UK I will either be working or stockpiling weapons to protect my Brexit apocalypse food reserve and freezer come January the 1st I figured this was a good time to do it. Plus my new place looks slightly easier to defend with easier access to the upstairs gun safe and an easily booby-trapped outside toilet.
However I took some advance photos at the end of November of what I intend to embark on. Apart from filling in a few holes - er....like painting all of my 2nd edition Bugman's Rangers apart from 3 of the heroes and the beer cart. I have a bunch of stuff I need to get done.
I have Jorri and maybe 20 Rangers to complete, I'm posting this photo so you know what is already done so I don't try to sneakily include them in my totals.
So I have no %^£$&&*ing idea how many points my units are. The great thing is about dwarfs is that if you're a few points short each month you just say "actually these are Hammerers and they're worth 50 points each mofo..."
But here goes with a preview. Apologies with the bad, kitchen countertop pics but I was packing these away for the move.
THE BLACK BAND
This is a 20 strong unit of Hammerers or simple Dwarf warriors with 2-handed weapons (depending on how many points I need to faff in a week). These will be my "Black Band"/"Black Guard" of Zweihanders or "DoppelSoldiers". These consist of a mix of Citadel, Marauder, Runecast and White Knight models (now available through The Assault Group).
FANTASY TRIBES REGIMENT
I picked up these lovely pre-slottas about 3 years ago in a collection. I stripped about 35 years worth of enamel and car primer off them and was delighted to find them in good, shiny nick underneath. I have 25 of these and am looking forward to painting them. Not sure whether I will give them a uniform colour scheme or whether I will give them a variety of Saxon/Norman shields. The previous owner had already removed a weapon and drilled out a fist for a brass rod so I will be doing a spectacular tomato paste banner for the unit.
MORE PRESLOTTAS
So I have a unit which I call "The Doughty Dozen". A unit of 12 pre-slotta Dwarfs which I have loved since I saw them painted up in the old "Heroes for Wargames" book in the '80s. I want to make them up to a unit of 40 but for the OWAC I will be doing a 30-strong unit from the models in the bottom two pictures which I'll add to the Doughty Dozen for the full unit of 40.
The middle photo mainly consists of broken and damaged minis which I'll add to the bottom (largely intact) 20 models. Six of these are not technically "pre-slottas" but in my own head the models with cast-on shields are from a similar era and often scale better than they do with the placcy shield models. YMMV.
MARAUDER HAMMERERS
Marauder Hammerers. What it says on the tin. x20.
PUFF AND SLASH CROSSBOWS
x10 "Puff and Slash" crossbows. I already a unit of ten of "Sven Surebolt's Flash Harrys" painted up. These will be painted up using the same crimson and cream colour scheme but will have their own Marauder champion so that I can use them as both a separate unit or combine them for a larger unit of 20. Two models are Marauder, the rest are White Knight/TAG.
WAYNE ENGLAND TRIBUTE UNIT
Every Dwarf army has to have a Wayne England tribute right? I'm not really one for having the whole army in the same livery. In fact I'm trying not to have more than one unit in the same colours.
When it comes to Wayne England's Dwarf army (the models that launched a thousand obsessions) - most people initially think of the blue and white halved uniforms of his Longbeards. I know I have a unit of "Thorgrimm Rockschafft and his Big Swingers painted thus:
Despite the fact that we automatically think of this as Wayne's "signature" Dwarf colours, he only ever painted one unit in blue and white. His Clansmen were black and white with blue belts and braces, his pikemen were green and yellow.
I'm not sure quite how I'll treat this tribute unit yet. I think maybe the often overlooked black and white would be fitting. Like Wane I'll be using some classic ME33 LOTR Dwarfs in there. And also a big massive tomato paste banner obviously.
THE OFFERING TO THE DARK GODS
When I was about seventeen my parents' house was burgled for about the fifteenth time. In this particular theft I had three 2nd edition Blood Bowl teams stolen. A human team, a Skaven team and my Stuntinutty Bengals Dwarf team. I have since recreated these stolen teams using the new GW models and some third party metals - but scalecreep has meant that these days a 2nd or 3rd edition BB Ogre is the same size a new GW human.
As such, what says Oldhammer to the Oldhammer Gods more that an Ogre who has had his legs sawn in half by Street and had half an inch of pinned and badly sculpted legs inserted in to make him taller?
Nothing. That's what.
And thus, number thirteen "Jonah Jonah" has been replaced with number sixteen "Igor Biscan". Otherwise known as "Max Fleischgewehr". Jonah Jonah will now live in the Land of Chill or "The New World in which all Warhammer scenarios were set before thirty years of GW fluff u-turns."
Stonewall Street is a failed Rock Star; failed professional footballer; failed professional cricketer; failed comicbook artist; failed artist; failed poet; failed author; below average miniature painter; failed actress; reasonably decent management accountant and all-round Facebook agitator. He lives in the shadow of Heathrow's north runway in a slum that real estate agents describe as "vibrant". His main ambition in life is to survive into month 3. Enjoy the ride.
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